Edge of Despair
by Harmonium-Kruger
Summary: A commission by Beth-Cyra! Post-Carnival, Mai is consumed by worry when the news of a surely fatal accident is revealed. Shizuru at her side, the two of them can only hope for the best. MaiShiz


**AN: This was a commission by Beth-Cyra! I hope you like it!**

 **Edge of Despair**

* * *

There was the scent of fire once more; Permeating from the woman standing at the edge of the cliff. Just hours earlier, this had been the scene of something so entirely wretched, it hurt her heart just to think of. This cliff had to be cursed, or perhaps it was only to Kuga family?

First, Saeko was run off this exact spot. Then, Natsuki… almost twice. The first time, at least she hadn't gone off the edge, though that was mostly due to Nao. The damn tricking saboteur…

Though this time, Natsuki hadn't been so lucky. Persimmon hair rustled in the cold wind that only served to surge the smell of fire around her; Lilac eyes rising from the cliff's edge to gaze up to the moon.

"Mai-han has heard as well, then." She should have jumped, but somehow, she had been expecting company. There were still fresh streaks where the rubber of Natsuki's ducati had tried to stop…

"I did… They called me. Apparently, Natsuki listed me as an emergency contact." Mai murmured, shivering as she stepped back from the edge. There were broken trees… to match broken bones, she assumed.

Turning, Mai shook her head of those thoughts and decreased the distance between her and the other woman. "Shizuru… It isn't good."

"Not when it starts like this, no." The sad look in crimson eyes lifted up towards the moon as well. How odd, that in this moment, she missed that dazzling star that used to haunt beside it.

The star that terrorized them all; Their lives, their pasts, their very fate…

Now it was the older woman's turn to be pulled from her thoughts. "Forgive me." She murmured the apology, wrapping an arm worriedly over her stomach. What exactly had happened…?

Almost as if she had heard the inquisitive thought, Mai started to speak again. "She was… coming up here to leave another bouquet of flowers. For her mom, I guess." Mai's voice turned watery at the last few words, and she cleared her throat to rid it.

Shizuru's jaw clenched; the muscle in her cheek that controlled it taut against her skin. "Has her condition changed?" Her voice remained unwavering, and Mai envied her ability to control emotions.

"I… Last I heard, they were in the middle of surgery." Mai avoided the question, and crimson eyes as she looked away. The older woman stepped closer, but paused. The drowning smell of fire from Mai was all too familiar… and frightening.

"They say it doesn't look good." Forcing it out, the short-haired woman let out a shaky breath and bit her bottom lip. Her throat suddenly felt too dry to even swallow, yet she forced this as well.

Shizuru hummed to keep from having the silent enshroud them. "It did not look good when she was just a little girl, either."

Mai wondered if Shizuru had found that out from Natsuki herself, or old hospital records.

"She is stronger now… Perhaps too strong, in fact." Shizuru seemed highly sure of this, and Mai was desperate to believe.

"She is…" Turning more to Shizuru, Mai decreased all distance and grasped onto the taller's sleeve. She was quickly becoming a wreck, but the older woman calmed her.

"There, there…" Shizuru murmured, wrapping the younger into her arms instead. It was cold out here; An air of tension in the night. She did not like it here. "Perhaps we should leave this place?" The elder murmured, quieting as Mai buried herself closer.

Carrot hair tickled at her chin, but Shizuru held her just as well.

"They said they would call once she was out of surgery." Mai murmured softly, eyes squeezed shut. She didn't want to be here, yet where else could they truly be? It felt… right to be here. She had felt uneasy in the dorm, and wondered if Shizuru had felt just the same.

Their relationship had developed during these last few months; Between Shizuru's graduation and the summer break, it had been… cozy. Letting out a hitched breath, Mai clung tighter to her lover.

"Shh…" Shizuru rested her chin atop soft hair, one hand soothingly rubbing along Mai's back. "I am sure Natsuki will be fine."

A little distracted, the younger chuckled softly. "You call her 'Natsuki', yet I am still 'Mai-han'?" She teased, feeling the older woman join her soft laughter.

"Then, Mai…?" Feeling the younger nod against her, Shizuru hummed lowly to fill the silence once more.

"Maybe it is a little cold to be up here." Mai's voice was muffled against the Kyoto-borne, and she gradually pulled away. With one last look towards the water, she turned fully to Shizuru.

"This place is a very… dark area to be." Shizuru agreed, not speaking of the lack of light. Natsuki's mother, and dog, had been killed here. Now even perhaps Natsuki herself-

Biting the inside of her cheek at the first picklings of that thought, Shizuru closed her eyes briefly. No, she would not dare even think that.

"Maybe we should wait at the hospital…" Mai spoke, dragging the elder from her thoughts once more. Crimson opened, warm as she gazed to the other woman.

"Agreed… Does anyone else know?" Shizuru intertwined an arm through Mai's, tugging her from the cliff. She had a car waiting, though she had vehemently insisted that it not come near this area.

She would not have the markings of Natsuki become tarnished unless by Natsuki herself.

* * *

Restless, the waiting room was a rather odd sight. Whatever money Natsuki had coming in, it must be from a very reliable source. There were plush chairs, unlike the hard and unfeeling ones that littered the hospital Mai was accustomed to.

There were coffee stations, one around every corner, or that is how it seemed. The waiting room was one of many, and this only made her more nervous. Shizuru had managed to snag a cup of tea; Proper tea, she said.

What was improper tea? Mai mused that she would have to learn the difference very soon… Then again, Shizuru preferred to make the tea herself, as the younger cooked.

It was very endearing.

"Mai is lost in thought?" It still sounded a little odd to not be following the name with an honorific. Shizuru rose her cup to her lips, watching the younger through the steam before she took a sip.

"A bit… This place feels weird. Like it's not a hospital but-"

"A private care center?" Shizuru offered, receiving a nod. "It is… both? No, that does not explain it."

"Have you been here before?" Mai sought out any distraction. She sat beside Shizuru, tilting her head.

"I have been… admitted here, yes." She hadn't been expecting that.

"...Is the reason private?" Mai wasn't one to pry, but if it was something serious…?

"Nothing is private from Mai." Shizuru smiled and set away the cup of tea on a nearby table; The surface ashen and only serving to remind her of fire.

"In my first year of schooling at Fuuka academy, I took quite a spill from the top of the hill Natsuki was so fond of."

"She wasn't even there yet, what distracted you?" Mai teased her, snickering at the faint flush from the surprised elder.

"Mean… I had been distracted by the prospect of Haruka-han yelling into my ear. Even back then, she was quite sure she needed to rival me in mostly everything." Shizuru dryly replied, chuckling lowly at the memory.

"What she was yelling about, exactly, I fear I cannot remember…" Perhaps Haruka did? She would have to ask the next time they spoke.

Chuckling softly, Shizuru continued. "I fractured my forearm, and my father took me here. Haruka followed, of course, wanting to make sure I recovered completely. She wanted me at 'my best'. The way she spoke, it was as if we would wrestle instead of argue."

Mai had an odd smile, obviously trying to picture such a scene. A younger Haruka… Now that was hard to imagine, almost as hard as a younger Shizuru.

Pigtails? Suddenly, she could see Shizuru with them. Mai bit her lip to keep from snickering, though flushed when the older woman appraised her.

"That was the only time I came here, however. Haruka made very sure of that." Now, what did that mean? Before Mai could ask, there was a bustle of noise.

A doctor entered the waiting room, closing the door soundly. Once it closed, it blocked the multitude of sounds from breaking the silence. Mai stiffened, unsure if this would be good or bad.

The woman checked in with the front desk first, putting in for a few things. Afterwards she made her way to the two woman waiting. Shizuru kept an even gaze with her, posture straight and unburdened.

"Is one of you Tokiha Mai?" Nodding to the question, her hand was taken and held tight.

Looking between the two women, the doctor cleared her throat. "You must be Fujino Shizuru, then?" She addressed the taller, receiving a nod as well. "Then I can tell you both what we know right now."

It didn't sound good… Then again, she hadn't really expected it to be. Mai held her breath, legs jittering against the floor. This behavior didn't seem to distract, nor bother, the doctor.

"I am afraid that Kuga-san is still in surgery." Mai let out a breath, holding Shizuru's hand tighter. She noticed she was shaking, and tried to calm down.

"It looks promising, as Kuga-san was wearing her helmet and suit. Of course, such an accident on a motorbike would still warrant concern. We are treating her the best we can, and will update periodically if she needs anything."

"Thank you very much." Shizuru calmly smiled, soothing the woman at her side. Her nod dismissed the doctor, and she shifted focus back onto Mai.

"Do you think Natsuki will be okay…?" She could see so many bad outcomes from this… Mai stopped fidgeting, rubbing her hands over one of Shizuru's.

"I think she will." Shizuru kissed the crown of persimmon, doing her best to calm Mai's nerves. She was worried too. But Natsuki had been helping a lot of them through the aftermath of the carnival. Surely, she would push through this even so?

Mai sighed out, nodding as she set Shizuru's hand down. "I think I should go wash my face… Let me know if anything happens?"

"Of course." Shizuru nodded, and watched the younger go. Without Mai to be strong for, her shoulders sagged just faintly. She was so worried… Natsuki had been in surgery for three hours by now.

Shakily, she grasped onto the cup of tea to drain it. It was cold, bitter and perfectly personified this experience. She hoped her dear friend would be alright…

* * *

Clutching the counter of the sink, Mai hunched over it. Her knuckles were white; As if the bone was protruding from skin. If she held any tighter, they may.

She felt as though she couldn't breathe, yet her chest was heaving so fast. Tears splattered across the ceramic of the sink, washed away with the water. She was so worried, so scared of the worst possible outcome.

If Natsuki was still alive now… Would she survive the surgery? The aftercare, the physical rehabilitation she would no doubt need. It would no doubt be hard. Mai dedicated herself to being by Natsuki's side through it all. She knew Shizuru would be as well, and gave a shaky sigh.

Washing her face, she dried off with a cloth towel. She hoped the older woman wouldn't point out the fact she had been crying…

Shizuru declined a second cup of tea, watching the time tick by. Three and a half hours… Biting at her bottom lip, she relented on it for a moment. Instead, the inside of her cheek became its replacement.

Between her hands a handkerchief was worried; Fingers delicately pulling at each corner. She was concerned, more than she was letting on for Mai's sake. Exactly how bad had the accident been?

At the first sign of Mai returning, the handkerchief was stuffed away. Shizuru outwardly calmed, offering a smile over as she beckoned. "Does Mai need anything? Water?"

"I'm… I don't need anything." Mai gave a weak smile, joining at her side once more. She checked the time, brows furrowing at the passage of it all.

"Natsuki… She is strong." Mai murmured, feeling Shizuru's hand rub at her back. "She… She'll get through this, with our help." She hoped so, at least.

"She will." Shizuru agreed, smiling a little stronger herself. Swallowing hard, the older woman held onto Mai's hand.

"...Should we tell anyone else, before we know if…?" Mai trailed off, shaking her head. "I don't think I would be able to tell anyone, anyway." She frowned, clearing her throat. How exactly could she tell someone that?

"Nao might want to know." Shizuru spoke softly, standing at the first sign of hesitation. "I will give her a call. Just sit, and try to relax?" She suggested, kissing Mai's brow once more.

"Thank you, Shizuru." Mai's eyes lit up with gratitude; Lilac still swirling with hidden thoughts. As the older woman walked off, she sagged against the plush chair and groaned.

This was nerve-wracking; Just the news of the crash was. Now, it was an overwhelming sense of dread suckered right into her belly. No matter how much she tried to think positive, the bad thoughts filtered in.

Would Natsuki… die? When the older woman had perished during the carnival, the news had barely even hit. Mai had been numb, so worried if she would be next…

Even that felt selfish. Mai wished she could go back and kick herself for that. Shaking her head, she cleared her throat and closed her eyes. She shouldn't think like that…

Yet how could she think of anything else?

* * *

"It has been four hours, now, Yuuki-han." Shizuru sighed, unafraid to hold back her own emotions at this point. Not over the phone, at least. Holding the black receiver to her ear better, she heard the redhead's question.

"Mm, if she needed blood, they would have already gathered that. I believe they would only ask us if she needed… a new organ." Shizuru's brows furrowed to the inclination.

"So Kuga doesn't need a new spleen or something?" Nao questioned, though it was obviously a joke. Giving a soft chuckle in reply, Shizuru hummed.

"Not that I am aware of, no. Would Yuuki-han be so kind as to let the others know? Mm, goodbye, Yuuki-han. I will call if anything changes." Hanging up, she let out a slow breath.

Her back was tight with tension, the only alleviation would be news on Natsuki's condition. Shizuru stayed by the phone, staring into the silver that was its base. She couldn't quite make out her reflection, tarnished metal not as reliable as glass.

She was sure she looked tired, either way. It was nearing four in the morning, and why Nao had been awake didn't seem to register. Stifling a yawn, Shizuru turned to speak quietly with the receptionist.

If they were to fall asleep here, she wanted to be sure it was not for long. Returning to Mai, she smiled at the sight of the younger slouched. If her body could relax, her mind could also.

Perhaps another cup of tea for herself… Seeing Mai shift, she thought better of it and joined her again. "Did Mai have a nap?"

"I… must have." A flush on her cheeks, the color quickly faded. "Has there been any news?" Mai sat up, rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

Smiling to the endearing act, Shizuru shook her head. "I am afraid not… I called Yuuki-han to let her know; She will be handling the notifications."

Mai sighed, nodding before she leaned into her lover. Resting her head atop Shizuru's shoulder, she closed her eyes again. "I just can't seem to stop myself from thinking the worst."

"I believe that is our natural reaction to such news. Morbid thoughts are haunting and dreadful, and very numerous." Shizuru sighed, sinking a hand into short hair. She sifted through the soft strands, humming a low tune.

Mai hadn't realized it, but Shizuru had been humming since they met at the cliff. She didn't recognize the song, and wondered about it. It sounded… sad, yet hopeful.

"Is that a song?"

Shizuru stopped humming, grinning softly as she rose her free hand to join in persimmon hair. "It is… Mai does not recognize it?" Feeling the negative shake of the younger's head, Shizuru hummed a bit louder.

She was supposed to recognize this, she knew it… Mai's eyes closed, and she furrowed her brows tighter in concentration. What was it…?

"Truly, she does not know?" Shizuru seemed to be having fun, her song a secret. Mai huffed, another shake of her head given. "Perhaps I should tell her, then…"

"Perhaps you should, Shizuru." Mai smirked, leaning up to better hear. Eyes sweeping over the elder's features, she tilted her head. It felt vaguely familiar, at least…

"It is the song Alyssa sang." Shizuru teased her, chuckling as she softly sung. " _It's only the fairytale they believe…"_

"Oh… How could I not recognize it?" Mai murmured to herself, a little embarrassed. She chuckled along with Shizuru, the elder continuing to hum afterwards.

Should Alyssa be told? Even so, it wasn't like there was any family relation between the two. Why had that popped into her head? Mai blinked, unsure of the connection. Maybe she was just tired…

The same doctor from before stepped from the double doors and quickly to them. Mai held her breath, and Shizuru's hand.

"Tokiha-san, Fujino-san… I am afraid I have some bad news."

Holding her breath, Mai held the older woman's hand tighter. No, please, anything but-!

"We were able to bring Kuga-san to a stable condition, but I am afraid we were unable to save her left leg. We had to amputate it."

...What? Mai stared, absolutely blanking out the rest as the doctor continued to talk. Natsuki… was okay?

"She's going to be okay!?" Mai blurted, having to hear the confirmation again. The doctor seemed startled at the outburst, and cleared her throat.

"Kuga-san is going to be fine… But she lost a leg." She spoke slowly, in case Mai had missed that part as well.

Relieved, Mai flung her arms around Shizuru and held tight. She was crying, even as the doctor stammered to the reaction. They were soon left alone, a promise to see Natsuki in the later morning made.

Shizuru ran her hands through Mai's hair, relieved but frowning. Natsuki would surely be very upset about this loss…

She was sure of it.

* * *

 **AN: I hope you have enjoyed this rollercoaster of tension and tumultuous emotions!**


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